Merge Worship

My heart has been a little wrecked recently. There's more than one explanation as to why that could be the case but none are really worth rehashing here. I was surprised by the way my heart has been revealing itself recently. Just the other day I sat down at the piano and this chorus came flowing out:

I want to tear down the walls of apathy and make believe

Take off the mask I wear of everything is perfect here

I wonder if I will ever find a place where I can just be me

I want to live...honestly

Now I hadn't been doing a ton of thinking about living honestly but I will say that I live (and have for the past couple of years) in a state of what I call "holy discontent". My heart has been heavy with the desire to be a great leader, a phenomenal Dad, a wonderful husband and a difference maker in the world for His sake. And the truth is that on any given day I feel like I stink at a number of those things but I don't know who I'd actually say that to. I have a great wife, amazing family and wonderful friends but some days I still feel all alone.

In many ways I think I just want to be able to be real. Human. Honest. Broken.

Do you ever wonder if you'll ever find honesty? Do you ever dream of a place where you can share all your stuff and hear truth and love in response? I do.

This is worth 15 minutes of your time. Check it out and bring your kleenex.

Catalyst 2009 Compassion Moment from Catalyst on Vimeo.

{stepping onto the soap box}

Yesterday's phone call wasn't the one I wanted to get. I love getting the calls about exciting things happening in ministry. Even the calls about life crises are welcome because they force me closer to Christ. This was one of those calls. The friend who had to move. Not because they'd done anything wrong but because someone else trashed them. Ruined their reputation. Tried to destroy their life and ruin their marriage.

I know this friend pretty well. Not perfect, but honest. I was sickened that the pain they've experienced (tragic loss, personal sickness) was multiplied by their church family. Petty disagreements led to personal assault and what was once fun and games became life or death.

The accusations being thrown around had almost destroyed a family. I was reminded in that conversation that accusation of the brothers was somebody else's job.

Revelations 12:10--

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
“Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.

Some people close to my friend have been doing the devil's dirty work and I wish they'd stop.

{stepping off of soap box}