Merge Worship

My heart has been a little wrecked recently. There's more than one explanation as to why that could be the case but none are really worth rehashing here. I was surprised by the way my heart has been revealing itself recently. Just the other day I sat down at the piano and this chorus came flowing out:

I want to tear down the walls of apathy and make believe

Take off the mask I wear of everything is perfect here

I wonder if I will ever find a place where I can just be me

I want to live...honestly

Now I hadn't been doing a ton of thinking about living honestly but I will say that I live (and have for the past couple of years) in a state of what I call "holy discontent". My heart has been heavy with the desire to be a great leader, a phenomenal Dad, a wonderful husband and a difference maker in the world for His sake. And the truth is that on any given day I feel like I stink at a number of those things but I don't know who I'd actually say that to. I have a great wife, amazing family and wonderful friends but some days I still feel all alone.

In many ways I think I just want to be able to be real. Human. Honest. Broken.

Do you ever wonder if you'll ever find honesty? Do you ever dream of a place where you can share all your stuff and hear truth and love in response? I do.