Merge Worship

I've been thinking about grudges/offenses/hurts/unforgiveness (especially as it relates to other believers) for a little while now. I've got a couple of people in my life who make me cringe when I think about them because thoughts about that person take me back to a not so fun time together. I will say up front that I have been extremely blessed. My life has been free from traumatic events. I have no abuse to forgive. No great injustice to grieve over. I've got no story like my friend Danny Wallace. (check him out for an amazing story of God's faithfulness in a life that could have been filled with bitterness and struggle)

What I do have is insecurities and a list of grievances of people who have treated me unfairly. That list is shorter than it used to be, but I've been reviewing the list and came to this conclusion. 90% of the people on that list are believers. According to what I see in Scripture, I'm spending eternity with these folks. So here's what I'm thinking...forever is a long time to hold a grudge.

Do I really think that four millenniums from now I'm still going to be ticked at brother so and so for what they said in the 90s? How ridiculous is that? So if it's true that forgiveness will come eventually, why not start the process now?

Who's that person in your world that you're going to be in eternal fellowship with that you avoid today?

Let's get this forgiveness thing started today. I'm not sure if we'll be forgiving each other in heaven, but eternity is a long time to dodge someone. There's going to be more important things to do with our time then.

I spent some time with my Mom this weekend. She and I got about an hour and a half together. It was precious time. We talked about life, pastoring, calling, relationships, mission, healing and holiness. She is coming out of a stem cell transplant and this is expected to be a tough time for her. But here’s what I noticed.

Her love for Jesus is deeper. It’s as if this time of physical purging has honed her focus on what really matters. When we talked about holiness, it was interesting to hear her take on it. Basically it was this. “If you really know Jesus and understand to some degree the depths He went to to save you, you would avoid sin because you’d want to please Him in every way.”

Jesus asked the Father to do this; “Sanctify them in truth. Your word is truth.” (John 17:17) As we talked I realized one of the truths of this passage. I began to see the seasons of my life with more clarity and acknowledge that my level of “sanctity” (for lack of a better term) was directly proportionate to the amount of time I spent engaging God in Scripture.

Now; people who know me will tell you I’m not very “sanctified” by old school standards. I joke about everything. I’d probably fail most of your holiness tests. I’m really comfortable with the truth that my righteousness is filthy rags to Him and that I’m in desperate need of Jesus’ saving grace to make it through.

With that said, I am intensely interested in pleasing Him. I’m not overly into pleasing everyone anymore. I’m slowly coming to the reality that my life needs only to please my God and my family. For me it’s less about whether I hit a certain target or do or don’t do certain things on a list of church prescribed holiness. It’s about making sure the condition and intent of my heart pleases Him.

Honestly; little else matters. When I blow it there it feels like my world is coming apart. When I know He’s pleased, even the storms feel like ocean breezes on a sunny vacation day. And how do I know when He’s pleased? When I look in His Word and find out what pleases Him and walk in that. When I allow His truth to be my sanctification. If I were in the TBN world still I would say “allowing His truth to be my sanctification brings my soul satisfaction”. Well!!! (said with a little organ music in the background)

Can I get a witness?

The title of this post won't be a shock to those who know me. I'm not a fan of walls, rules, consequences (for me...big believer in them for others), concrete and stiff mattresses. The only things I really like being impenetrable are my house, car and the airplane I'm flying in.

*DISCLAIMER* I'm very thankful for the heritage that I've been given and the passion I was trained in to study scripture, believe in a God who is close to us and to treasure His truth and presence.

With that said, I grew up in a denomination that, at the time, was pretty rigid. Don't wear jewelry. Don't wear wedding rings. Don't wear shorts. Don't. Don't. Don't. In some ways I think we could have played Tesla's "Signs" in a worship service and people would've been into it.

At my first church job I had a 16 year old ask me in all seriousness; "Baptists aren't going to heaven, right?". (Don't worry @EdStetzer I told him you guys were golden. Like Ed ever reads this thing:-) I was like WHAT?!?!? I think that kind of upbringing had something to do with my disdain for concrete.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in absolute truth. I believe Jesus is the only way anyone gets to know God and gain eternal life. I'm not talking about walls of divine truth or clear guidelines for holy living.

I hate the walls we make. Walls of denomination. Walls of worship styles. Walls of race. Walls of "if everyone else was just more like me". And here's why...

I went to a conference that was filled with hardcore reformed speakers and attended widely by students at a local Southern Baptist Seminary. I would not consider myself reformed, didn't go to seminary and am a charismatic believer. But I learned a TON! I was inspired by the commitment to the Word, to Jesus and to His Church. I had God reveal things in my heart that needed to be repented of and I had my dedication to His purposes strengthened. I know friends that would not have gone because of the walls they've erected in their hearts.

I'm in no way saying "don't belong to a denomination" or "don't ascribe to a certain stream of theology". Don't get it twisted. I get that we all have a place of deep belonging, but I also understand that there is a greater Body beyond the one I meet with on a weekly basis. And here's the real deal. I believe God is HUGE. Bigger than our walls. So broad that our walls can't contain Him and by hemming ourselves in we diminish a full picture of who He is.

I'm not saying embrace every teaching under the sun, but I am saying embrace every brother and sister. The reason I hate walls is because I believe my particular outlook on life, minuscule understanding of God and personal worship preferences can't contain the whole of the greatness of our God and that other people, with other viewpoints can help me see Him more clearly. I'm on a lifelong pursuit to know Him in "the fellowship of His sufferings and the power of His resurrection" and I believe that pursuit shouldn't be restricted by walls that He didn't put up.

How can you reach beyond your own walls and learn from someone else?

BTW you can check out audio from the sessions by clicking here. I'd recommend Mark Driscoll's talk on "Ministry Idolatry" for any of my ministry friends.

I have a problem. Ok. I have several problems, but the one I wanted to share today is this. I punish myself. If I mess up I feel like I deserve the worst for it. It doesn't matter what it is. Sin. Anger. Offense. If I blew it I think I should pay. It's one of the reasons I tend to be gracious in my relationships. I have a definitive handle on how much I need grace.

At any rate, I'm beginning to see this place of brokenness in my 7 year old son. If he doesn't succeed at something he feels the failure deeply. If he mistreats a friend he'll beat himself up for it. Just this last Thursday he asked Misty to punish him for being mean to a friend. We told him a simple apology would do (it was a small thing) but he was sure he deserved punishment. It broke my heart.

There are times as a Dad that are joyous. Thursday wasn't one of those days. I wept on the way home as I saw this broken place in my son so clearly. I prayed and called my Dad to ask for prayer and wisdom. When I got home my son and I had a heart to heart.

I told my little man that my love for him was unconditional and that I wanted to help him navigate this emotional minefield. He told me I was going to make him cry and I told him it was ok. We talked for about 15 minutes about being able to recover for mistakes and being able to receive grace. At the end of that time I held him and prayed over him.

I cried openly asking God to heal the brokenness in my buddy and asking him to help me be a great Dad. Judah hugged me and was clearly uncomfortable with the fact I was crying that way. At the end of my prayer he squeezed me tight me and said "Daddy don't cry". I told him I was ok and he said "I was really worried you were going to get water on my hair while you were praying".

I love having a 7 year old boy. Never a dull moment.