Merge Worship

I have a problem. Ok. I have several problems, but the one I wanted to share today is this. I punish myself. If I mess up I feel like I deserve the worst for it. It doesn't matter what it is. Sin. Anger. Offense. If I blew it I think I should pay. It's one of the reasons I tend to be gracious in my relationships. I have a definitive handle on how much I need grace.

At any rate, I'm beginning to see this place of brokenness in my 7 year old son. If he doesn't succeed at something he feels the failure deeply. If he mistreats a friend he'll beat himself up for it. Just this last Thursday he asked Misty to punish him for being mean to a friend. We told him a simple apology would do (it was a small thing) but he was sure he deserved punishment. It broke my heart.

There are times as a Dad that are joyous. Thursday wasn't one of those days. I wept on the way home as I saw this broken place in my son so clearly. I prayed and called my Dad to ask for prayer and wisdom. When I got home my son and I had a heart to heart.

I told my little man that my love for him was unconditional and that I wanted to help him navigate this emotional minefield. He told me I was going to make him cry and I told him it was ok. We talked for about 15 minutes about being able to recover for mistakes and being able to receive grace. At the end of that time I held him and prayed over him.

I cried openly asking God to heal the brokenness in my buddy and asking him to help me be a great Dad. Judah hugged me and was clearly uncomfortable with the fact I was crying that way. At the end of my prayer he squeezed me tight me and said "Daddy don't cry". I told him I was ok and he said "I was really worried you were going to get water on my hair while you were praying".

I love having a 7 year old boy. Never a dull moment.