Merge Worship

I spent some time with my Mom this weekend. She and I got about an hour and a half together. It was precious time. We talked about life, pastoring, calling, relationships, mission, healing and holiness. She is coming out of a stem cell transplant and this is expected to be a tough time for her. But here’s what I noticed.

Her love for Jesus is deeper. It’s as if this time of physical purging has honed her focus on what really matters. When we talked about holiness, it was interesting to hear her take on it. Basically it was this. “If you really know Jesus and understand to some degree the depths He went to to save you, you would avoid sin because you’d want to please Him in every way.”

Jesus asked the Father to do this; “Sanctify them in truth. Your word is truth.” (John 17:17) As we talked I realized one of the truths of this passage. I began to see the seasons of my life with more clarity and acknowledge that my level of “sanctity” (for lack of a better term) was directly proportionate to the amount of time I spent engaging God in Scripture.

Now; people who know me will tell you I’m not very “sanctified” by old school standards. I joke about everything. I’d probably fail most of your holiness tests. I’m really comfortable with the truth that my righteousness is filthy rags to Him and that I’m in desperate need of Jesus’ saving grace to make it through.

With that said, I am intensely interested in pleasing Him. I’m not overly into pleasing everyone anymore. I’m slowly coming to the reality that my life needs only to please my God and my family. For me it’s less about whether I hit a certain target or do or don’t do certain things on a list of church prescribed holiness. It’s about making sure the condition and intent of my heart pleases Him.

Honestly; little else matters. When I blow it there it feels like my world is coming apart. When I know He’s pleased, even the storms feel like ocean breezes on a sunny vacation day. And how do I know when He’s pleased? When I look in His Word and find out what pleases Him and walk in that. When I allow His truth to be my sanctification. If I were in the TBN world still I would say “allowing His truth to be my sanctification brings my soul satisfaction”. Well!!! (said with a little organ music in the background)

Can I get a witness?

So this is my 100th post. It feels like I've done a lot more but the numbers don't lie. It's odd that this would happen today. I'm going to go ahead and say that this will be one of my most vulnerable posts I've written.

It's been one heck of a week. (my more liberal brothers and sisters can feel free to substitute an alternate work for heck) I went on Monday to visit my Mom in the hospital. She's been battling cancer (I refuse to capitalize that word) for right at 2 years now. It's been an amazing journey of learning to see God's hand in the little things in life.

Then today I got the call that a long time, close friend is dealing with another type of cancer. He's angry. Trusting. But angry. And I can't blame him. Ed's not much older than me. I cried for him and his family after I got the news. Just closed the door to my office and cried. I'm crying now. Life is so precious. I'm beginning to understand more about why King David described life as a "vapor".

To be honest, it's a bit overwhelming at times. Knowing that this life is temporary and it will be over often before we want it to be. This season of my life is not easy. I've thought about how old my kids might be when it's my time to go. Wondered about why I haven't done more things of significance and wondered if I ever truly would.

You see, I want to live a life that matters. But days like today make it difficult to find that pulse. When you see the world of those you love flipped on it's ear it's a jarring thing. (not nearly as jarring as what they are going through to be sure) The perspective I'm gaining is that I HAVE TO GET BUSY DOING WHAT I'M CREATED TO DO.

Maybe you're like me and can't find that thing. Maybe there's a persistent deficiency that haunts you. For me it's lack of discipline and self worth. I get hung up on my shortcomings and rarely celebrate my longcomings. (i just made that word up. my creative moment of the day) But you know what...in the end I want my life to count and I know you do to. What can we do to get busy living? How can I harness the impact of this season and the weight of today into forward momentum? If anyone has the answers, please let me know. Because I'm trying to find them and the view's a little hazy through my tears.

I'm sitting here on Valentine's day thinking about love. Not just like I love cheeseburgers love, but 1st Corinthians 13 love.

Running through a mental checklist and thinking about how it would look if it was biographical. Here's what I think it would look like.

Love is patient (most of the time)

Love is kind (as long as it's reciprocated)

Love doesn't envy (unless you have something I want)

Love doesn't boast (except when trash talk is neccessary)

And on and on it goes.

I'm trying to love the right way. Thanks to 1st Cor. 13 I know just how far I have to go.

So. I'm moving my family in 5 days to a new state. A new city. A new church.

It's always an adventure when we start something new together. This will be Mercy and Judah's first real shot at trying it out. They are 5 and 7 and this is the first move we've made that has hit them. They've been real troopers and have been looking for the positive almost all the time. That's not to say it's been easy. When their peers prayed for them in kid's church:


There were tears shed. By all of us.

One thing I love about transition with Misty and my family is that it pulls us tighter together. It's almost like we know we need to lock it up tight. Knowing that we've been blessed with each other is an amazing feeling and I'm never more aware of how blessed I am then in these times of transition or difficulty.

Our friends have gone beyond any of my expectations to show us how much they love us and Misty has been working like mad to get us ready. She is the rock in my world. I don't tell her I love her enough.

As we've traveled across NC (which is where we're moving back to) the anticipation and anxiety of the move has grown. The reality is settling in.

I'll be leading a whole new set of people in worship next Sunday. They've never seen me lead before. The thoughts are racing through my head.

What if they don't like me?
I can't wait to grow with them and watch them grow.
I'm pumped about where God is going to take us.
I am stoked about the team I'm going to be leading with.
Is Judah's school going to be as great as we think it is?
Will Mercy and Judah find new friends easily?

In short (or not really short) life is just that side of crazy right now. We'd appreciate your prayers and, if you're in the Raleigh area, hit us up when we move down. We're trusting God for great friendships there!

I know this post is a little less efficient and pretty than some of my others, but one of my friends asked me to keep this blog a little more "real" this year. We'll see how that pans out.

btw...I'll be leading worship here in the new year. Drop by if you're around.