Thursday, May 07, 2009
So this is my 100th post. It feels like I've done a lot more but the numbers don't lie. It's odd that this would happen today. I'm going to go ahead and say that this will be one of my most vulnerable posts I've written.
It's been one heck of a week. (my more liberal brothers and sisters can feel free to substitute an alternate work for heck) I went on Monday to visit my Mom in the hospital. She's been battling cancer (I refuse to capitalize that word) for right at 2 years now. It's been an amazing journey of learning to see God's hand in the little things in life.
Then today I got the call that a long time, close friend is dealing with another type of cancer. He's angry. Trusting. But angry. And I can't blame him. Ed's not much older than me. I cried for him and his family after I got the news. Just closed the door to my office and cried. I'm crying now. Life is so precious. I'm beginning to understand more about why King David described life as a "vapor".
To be honest, it's a bit overwhelming at times. Knowing that this life is temporary and it will be over often before we want it to be. This season of my life is not easy. I've thought about how old my kids might be when it's my time to go. Wondered about why I haven't done more things of significance and wondered if I ever truly would.
You see, I want to live a life that matters. But days like today make it difficult to find that pulse. When you see the world of those you love flipped on it's ear it's a jarring thing. (not nearly as jarring as what they are going through to be sure) The perspective I'm gaining is that I HAVE TO GET BUSY DOING WHAT I'M CREATED TO DO.
Maybe you're like me and can't find that thing. Maybe there's a persistent deficiency that haunts you. For me it's lack of discipline and self worth. I get hung up on my shortcomings and rarely celebrate my longcomings. (i just made that word up. my creative moment of the day) But you know what...in the end I want my life to count and I know you do to. What can we do to get busy living? How can I harness the impact of this season and the weight of today into forward momentum? If anyone has the answers, please let me know. Because I'm trying to find them and the view's a little hazy through my tears.
