Merge Worship

Am I doing “it”? Did I make “it”? Is “it” what I'm supposed to be doing? Did I miss “it”? In the oft' ambiguous business of trying to follow the will of God, these are big questions. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about whether I've missed “it” in my life, or if I still haven't found “it” or better yet; if I'm already doing “it”. John Mayer talks about a “still verdict-less life” in his song “Why Georgia?”. I can identify with those lyrics in a real way.

I guess the biggest problem with “it” is that “it” is hard to define. How do you know when you are doing the perfect will of God? Sometimes I feel like my life is meant for bigger impact, but bigger impact by whose standard? Is God more pleased with the record deal, or the confession and grace shown over pizza across the street? Is He more impressed with a song heard 'round the world, or with a ride given to a stranger that no one knows about? Paradoxically, is He more frustrated by public failure, or by nagging private sin? What's the “it” that He cherishes and what is “it” that He shuns?

My opinion is that He is most pleased when we're doing the “it” He's given/assigned us to do. With that sort of floating criteria, “it” becomes this unidentifiable thing floating around for most of us. I know a few people who know they are doing “it”, but I've met more that wouldn't know “it” if “it” slapped them in the face. (If you're not from the South, that means they wouldn't know it. The extra bit is just good old southern emphasis.) I've also met some folks who I thought were surely doing “it” only to find that they weren't exactly feelin' “it” the way I thought they would.

I think I find myself more in the 2nd camp. I have a great idea of what I think “it” might be, but I stink at following through on “it” and sometimes suppress what I think “it” could be because I define “it” by my limitations. And frankly, “it” seems to change around from time to time. As I think now about guys who feel like they are doing “it”; at least the ones that I admire; mostly have this very real connection to God. Not that some of these folks are perfect, but they seem to carry themselves with a confidence that could be considered arrogance if not rooted in the humility of Christ. As a side note, if you find yourself in that serene place of doing “it”, knowing that this is the “it” you were made for and being successful at “it”, how do you not come across as an egotist to a world full of aimless people? That question is crucial as God “resists the proud”. How terrible would it be to find yourself achieving “it” only to be resisted by the very One you were trying to please, because you got caught up in your own hype?

Maybe one day I'll wake up and “it” will just happen, or I'll find myself caught up in “it”, but my best guess is that “it” is more a journey than a destination. So maybe the best thing I can do is to keep my eyes on Him and just let “it” happen.