Merge Worship

This season of life has been fascinating for me. I've alternated from extreme days of multiple ideas (like a random twitter idea I got in the shower this morning) to days of feeling completely barren creatively. On top of all the stuff going on with my Mom (who recently underwent a stem cell transplant for cancer treatment) and adjusting to a new church with a very different environment than I'm used to, I'm being deeply challenged in my faith.

Don't get it twisted, not challenged in my faith as in "wondering about the validity of Jesus and Christianity", but challenged in the mode of "why do I believe what I believe". As I said in an earlier post, "I hate walls" and I'm willing to go beyond my narrow circle to hear what other Christ followers are saying and what the Holy Spirit is speaking to them. I won't rehash that here, but I will say that there are so many voices out there. And there are extremists in every camp.

The real genesis of this came when I was listening to Derek Webb's new CD. He uses some pretty provocative word pictures to ask some pretty pointed questions about our practice as believers. As I listened and explored I found myself reading a post called "Should Christians Be More Worldly?" on John Mark McMillan's blog. (love his song "How He Loves Us" btw) I didn't finish reading it because I just began to get overwhelmed.

It's the same feeling I had when reading "A New Kind of Christian" by Brian McLaren. (Not a resource I'm recommending by the way. I only recommend that book to close friends who I think it would benefit which has been a grand total of one person since I first read it. For a book I'd recommend without hesitation on the topics of freedom in Christ that will challenge you, check out "Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning or "Messy Spirituality" by Mike Yaconelli) Just this overwhelming since of "I don't want to miss it". I don't want to live my life in a wasteful way and I need to reevaluate my view of what God's purpose for our lives as believers is. The bottom line is that I desperately want to please Jesus. I want to please Him in every way that I can so I search for Him. I search for ways for the Holy Spirit to reveal truth to me as Jesus said He would.

When I get overwhelmed like this I am finding I have one of two responses. I either shut down and ignore those feelings for a bit or I retreat to Jesus and His Word. I'm all for pushing forward, growing and stretching but I will say that I think sometimes the best thing to do is retreat. Go back. Find out exactly what Jesus said. Allow the Holy Spirit to use His Word to challenge you. So I'm taking a step back from the controversy and the company line. I'm retreating to the solitude of Scripture. Because one thing that my "wall breaking" lifestyle always does is lead me back to Him. And I love the adventure.

Do you need to retreat? Where do you find you go to find your footing?